UNTIL YOU FIND ME AGAIN……..!!

And today our eyes met again, just like they did for the first time back in college. I was too stunned to see the person standing right in front of me. At first, I thought I was hallucinating and this wasn’t true. But then I heard my name being called out. Roo Roo-hii stuttering he called out. It was Shashank, my Shashank, the boy I was in love with. I was stunned as to how I was still in his memories even after the disease had taken away some bits of his it. And isn’t this what they call love?

Finally, after 2 years I had managed to track him down. All my prayers had been answered. I walked upto him and embraced him, the essence of his body, his warmth, his arms around me, everything was the same. After a min, he pulled off and wiped my tears, and to my surprise he still had the ring I had given him almost 7 years ago.

On valentine’s day of 2012, almost 3 years ago, I had gathered the courage to propose him to which he said yes. I was on cloud-nine as our year-long friendship had finally blossomed into love. I had been skeptical about this but my best friend Purva had been my support.

We had been living the best times of our lives with each other. He was my first boy friend and I was feeling the essence of love. He too cared a lot for me which was clearly visible through his actions.

But 5 months later we got into a fight and for the first time ever he was violent. That slap landed on my face but shook me to the core. Just seconds later he embraced me and I melted. Little did I know that this was just the start, I could see a considerable change in his behavior. He would get angry at the smallest of things and end up abusing either verbally or physically. This made me uncomfortable but he didn’t seem to change.

Things took a drastic turn when I caught him kissing Purva in one of the classrooms. I was heart-broken as I had caught cheating. I confronted them to which Purva said that he had walked to her, said “I love you Prerna” and started kissing her. Prerna was his ex-girlfriend. He too started acting strange and said I am kissing my girlfriend Prerna. I assumed it to be all lies and never spoke to either of them again. Both of them tried approaching me but I was admant.

I dropped out of the college for the year as we studied in the same college and seeing them everyday brought back the memories and I just couldn’t take it . I enrolled into a different college and resumed studies. The following year I graduated and took up an internship which soon transformed into a full-time job after 6 months of training. I was happy with having secured a job and doing well in life until one day a Facebook post shook me inside out.

I wasn’t as much active on Facebook and didn’t scroll to it much often but the other day, Seema, my colleague insisted I create one, I decided to reactivate the one I used in college. While scrolling Facebook I saw a couple of posts and one such was a fundraising post. It didn’t really bother me until I saw Shashanks photo on it. It was Nitin’s post who was trying raise funds for Shashank’s treatment who was battling against Huntington’s disease. The caption said that he had been suffering from it since the last two years, and that was we broke up.

I immediately googled the about the disease and found an article having a lot of medical terms beyond my knowledge was displayed. Having done some research, I found out that I was genetic disease which is hereditary, and early symptoms show behavioral problems, memory loss and so on. And connecting the dots I realized that the kiss and the slap could’ve been early signs of the disease. Having realization hit me like a rock my guilt had no boundaries. I immediately tried to contact Nitin but wasn’t successful as he didn’t reply to my messages for a week. I decided to contact Purva but she had changed her cell and was nowhere on Facebook. I was helpless but was determined. Having contacted the hospital, I learnt that he was currently undergoing treatment in the US. Through some friends I managed to contact Purva who was overjoyed to talk to me after 2 years. Tears rolled down my cheek when I heard about how Shashank had discovered about his disease after our break up and had to be moved to the US as his condition kept on worsening.

His mother breathed last 6 months ago which only worsened everything. His dad ran out of savings and as a result has been raising funds for Shashanks treatment. Having heard all of this I couldn’t stay silent. Going to the US wasn’t easy but was my only way to help him heal as he was the love of my life. After numerous rejections on my visa I finally managed to get an approval 8 months later.

And today he was standing right in front of me. He was my Shashank. He still had the same charm in those eyes but now struggled to speak. I kneeled in front of him to which he smiled but immediately pushed me away. The nurse then helped me sit and warned me about his sudden mood swings. She told me about how he tried to commit suicide twice due to depression which was prominent amongst people with the disease.

The very next day he succumbed to a seizure attack and breathed his last. It seemed that god had given me one last chance to embrace my love.

Life had hit me hard and I could never forgive myself.

~Bhakti Igave